This might be a mistake (and I’m doing it anyway)
Words on approval, independence, and the art of living your own life
This edition is particularly dedicated to my beautiful friend, Maissa, whom I’m so profoundly proud of ❤︎ Keep on following your own path, bella.
There are endless ways to live — to feel, to see, to move through life.
There’s no right or wrong. There’s no:
“This is the way.”
“This is the path.”
“Here are the instructions to be happy.”
If I’ve learned something in the last months of my life, it’s that we are all seeking happiness in our lives, and happiness, in the long run, is a miracle, a privilege.
Doing what makes sense vs. what feels alive
Many of us don’t follow the path of happiness.
We follow the path we think makes sense:
shaped by how we were raised, shaped by the expectations of those around us.
We’re constantly seeking approval, and we start believing it’s the only way to know we’re doing things right.
Maybe this sounds familiar? Doing what makes sense, not what makes you feel alive.
The moment you step off the path
I try to score always; it’s happened naturally, but as the older daughter, it’s fallen on my shoulders, too.
There’s a pressure — the pressure to always show up, to never disappoint.
Be a good daughter ✔️
Be a good sister ✔️
Be a good friend ✔️
Be a good partner ✔️
Help when needed, whoever needs it ✔️
Sustain my siblings in time of crisis ✔️
Have a stable job ✔️
Have a stable income ✔️
Have my life together ✔️
I used to put all this pressure on my shoulders (still do, though much less), to make sure I was making everyone happy.
But here’s the catch: the moment I try to do something differently, something the strange way, the diverse way, the unconventional way, all the voices start:
“This is a mistake.”
“This is not the way to go.”
“We don’t want you to make this choice, we want you to do things how we believe is right for you.”
Have you ever tried to step off the path, only to feel like the world pulls you right back?
What if their “right way” isn’t mine?
How can I be truly, deeply happy when I am a follower of what others think?
How others have created their own lives?
I don’t think I’m the only one who’s wondered that.
The fact that they’ve decided to live life that way doesn’t make it the right way.
I’ve heard my parents tell me a couple of times, even recently:
“You know nothing about life.”
I may know nothing in their heads, in their margins, and boxes.
I believe I know a thing or two about life. Not from books or theory, but from experience! My choices, my mess-ups, the things I walked through, and the things that nearly broke me.
I’m 26.
But does that even matter?
For all I know, you could be 60 and never have tried anything new. Never stepped outside what felt safe. Never risked anything real.
Age doesn’t mean your mind has lived, it just means your body has.
I don’t exist to be understood
I don’t exist to be understood.
I exist to live fully and profoundly.
That is my mantra.
Don’t get me wrong—
I love how much I love my family.
I love how much I’d do for each one of them.
How much I give.
But I can’t comply because I need their approval.
We’re very similar in many ways.
I’ve been mirroring them since birth.
We’re also becoming very different in how we see core aspects of life:
love, relationships, being a woman, a traveller, a writer.
It’s not always easy to navigate.
One thing I do know is:
I won’t stop following my path.
I don’t believe each one of us came to the planet with a mission.
But if I did,
I’d want my mission to be living profoundly and doing as much good as possible to those around me.
There’s just — life
There is no right or wrong in life.
There’s just — life.
And it comes with beauty, suffering, mistakes, and learnings.
I hope, wherever you are, you give yourself permission to trust your way.
At the very end, we’re tiny, probably irrelevant creatures in a massive universe living on this big blue dot.
So why not have some fun and feel free while at it? ;)
Stay wild,
Isabella