Where are the women who walk together?
Notes on womanhood, softness, and the slow work of building a village
I was listening to a woman’s story some weeks back. She’s an officer in the U.S. military and was deployed in Iraq as part of a civil affairs unit. Her role was to engage with local communities and help identify their most pressing needs.
In one of their meetings, local women repeatedly mentioned the lack of access to clean water. The unit, aiming to support them, implemented a new infrastructure project —a system that would allow women to do their laundry at home efficiently and comfortably.
Sounds great, right?
It wasn’t.
Six months later, once the project was done and this woman checked in with the Iraq base, to her surprise, the women had rejected the system entirely.
“You created a system for efficiency for us, but our daily walks to the river are our only space to talk, swim freely, and gossip. You wanted to remove the only thing that keeps us sane, by incorporting your ways of living. Our spaces to be are our only spaces for womanhood”
And then it hit me
When did we become so individualistic and decide it was only each of us individually against the world?
I have many friends who say they get along better with men. And I wonder:
Is it because there’s less judgment?
Is it because they’re “less complex”?
Is it because there’s no competition?
When did it become so hard to have a village of women?
And worse, why have we normalized the lack of it?
Men seem to have their “brotherhoods.”
And yes—it’s easier for them.
They don’t have their hormones in constant flux.
They don’t need to cancel plans because of cramps or misaligned energy.
They don’t carry generations of trauma whispering that other women are threats.
Yup, that’s womanhood.
If you still haven’t found your village of women, it’s absolutely normal. A village is something that gets built over time, where lots of effort needs to be put in.
I’ve been in Italy for almost two years now, and only a few months ago, I started to say out loud how supported I feel by the women around me.
The spaces I share with women are different.
There’s a code. Safety. Vulnerability. Rawness.
Today, one of my best friends sent me a photo of her sunbathing, full nude, with a cigarette in hand. That’s womanhood.
Another friend likes every post, story, and newsletter I put out. That’s womanhood.
A friend sends me the most supportive messages when I need them most. That’s womanhood.
My friend is about to have a baby, and she sent me the cutest bare-belly selfie last week. I always tell her how beautiful she is, because, wow! Pregnancy ❤︎That’s womanhood.
Womanhood is everywhere:
In a little coffee session
In a random WhatsApp message
In “I thought of you” photos
In unfiltered compliments
In shared silences
In tears
And I keep thinking about those women by the river.
Those women didn’t reject laundry machines because they wanted to suffer.
They rejected them because efficiency was never the goal.
Connection was.
Their walk to the river was more than a chore. It was their ritual. Their space. Their shared humanness.
That’s the kind of space we need to build for ourselves, and for each other.
Not systems that isolate us in the name of “freedom,” but spaces that remind us we’re not meant to do life alone.
There’s no equal vulnerability between men and women
There’s something magical about being surrounded by women who radiate beautiful energy.
Women who want what’s best for you
Women who listen
Women who understand
We are beings with 4 different phases
We are beings with different moods
We are beings who easily overthink
We are emotional and can cry often
We are beings who like to be hugged instead of being offered a solution
We are
Women
BUT, and this is a big but
It is true that not all women are ready for it.
And maybe it’s not their fault.
But, it is important to read energy quickly.
So, here are my five tips for building a village of women
Start with energy, not similarity
Don’t look for shared hobbies. Look at how someone makes you feel.
If a woman makes you feel seen, safe, and inspired, that’s your starting place.Be the space you want to find
Want deep conversations, softness, support, honesty? Be that first.
Extend the compliment. Send the message. Ask the question that goes deeper. Vulnerability attracts vulnerability.Let go of the timeline
A village is grown, not bought.
Sometimes it takes months, even years, to find just one woman you feel safe with. There’s no rush when what you’re building is sacred.Know that not all women are ready, and that’s okay
Some women are still healing from wounds they didn’t cause.
Some carry competitive energy not because they’re bad people, but because they were taught that there isn’t enough space for all of us.
Love from afar, but protect your softness.Celebrate loudly, support quietly
Women thrive when they are celebrated without conditions.
Compliment her publicly. Support her privately.
The women who stay in your life are the ones who feel safe shining next to you.
Stay wild,
Isabella